Let's get to work!

Telemarketers Just Don’t Know When To Quit!

Telemarketers just don’t know when to quit. Maybe their persistence pays off. If you’ve just taken a gourmet meal off the stove, you may be willing to buy whatever they’re selling just to get to your meal before it gets cold.

Human nature being what it is, I try to be tolerant of things that annoy me. I won’t say I always succeed, but I do try to give my fellow citizens the benefit of the doubt even if they are telemarketers. Instead of getting mad, I try to see the humor in the ways some people try to sell me stuff.

In my attempt to make a million on the Internet overnight, I paid for advertising on a web site. After all, the gurus assure me that, short of getting arrested for murder, the best way to get the public’s attention is to advertise.

The other day, I got a call from a telemarketer whose company recently sold me a basic advertising package. Our conversation went like this:

Telemarketer: “Lucille, I see you bought the basic service from us. I’m calling you to upgrade You to a lifetime membership.”
Me: “Wow! That’s mighty generous of you. So, what do I need to do?”
Telemarketer: “Not much. Just answer a few questions. What do you do for a living?”
Me: “Well, I stand on the street corner and when I see a likely prospect I flag him down and – Okay, not really — I am a retired lawyer who is starting a copywriting business.”
Telemarketer: “That is SOOO impressive. We want to feature you in our quarterly magazine. Can you send us a picture and a couple of your articles?”
Me: “Sure. I’d be happy to do that.”
Telemarketer: “Well, in that case, I just have a few short questions for you.”
Me: “All right.”
Telemarketer: “What’s your name, rank, serial number, shoe size, favorite pizza topping …” (You get the idea)
Me: Pepperoni.
Telemarketer: “You’re so fascinating! I’m so glad I got a chance to talk to you.”
Me: “Mom?”
Telemarketer: “Your profile will appear in our next quarterly magazine. You will have a half page. We’ll stay in close touch with you to make sure we get your information right.”
Me: “Great! I’ll send you the stuff you requested right away.”
Telemarketer: “So, will this be credit or debit?”
Me: “Huh?”
Telemarketer: “How are you going to pay for this?”
Me: “With my good looks? That’s about all I have left this month. Besides, you didn’t mention payment before, and we’ve been on the phone for a half hour. Just out of curiosity, how much?” (Hey, when someone strings me along, the least I can do is return the favor.)
Telemarketer: “Only 1900! It’s a great deal!”
Me: “Maybe. But I don’t have much money right now, and – even if I did, my creditors think they should have first dibs.”
Telemarketer: “Don’t you have a credit card?”
Me: “Look, I’m not interested. I’m sorry you went to all that trouble, but you could have spared us both the hassle by telling me you wanted to ‘sell’ me something instead of saying that you were calling to upgrade me to a lifetime membership.”
Telemarketer: “Well, for $1000, we can give you a premium membership for one year.”
Me: “What part of ‘I ain’t got it’ confused you.”
Telemarketer: “Well, for $350, we can publish your business card. You wouldn’t get as much exposure.”
Me: “Ma’am, can you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla?”
Telemarketer: “V-a-n.”
Me: “Good. Can you spell the ‘straw’ in “strawberry?”
Telemarketer: confused: “Well, yeah. S-t-r-a-w.”
Me: Good. Can you spell the “money” in “your account?”
Telemarketer: “There’s no ‘money’ in ‘your account.’”
Me: “Ah! Now we’re getting somewhere.”

1 thought on “Telemarketers Just Don’t Know When To Quit!”

  1. Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your website is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched everywhere and simply could not come across. What an ideal website.

Leave a Comment