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Cockroaches: It’s What’s For Dinner

Into sustainable agriculture? Have I got a farming idea for you! Cockroaches may be the next food trend!

Wang Fuming of China is raising millions of the very insects that the Roach Motel has been trying to entice as its clientele for several decades. Using potato peels and the like discarded from local restaurants, he is actually encouraging cockroaches to multiply and thrive! What, one might ask, if one isn’t gagging too hard to speak, would one do with millions of cockroaches? When I lived at Indiana University, I asked the same question. Apparently, Wang Fuming and I did not come up with the same answers.

My approach would include Raid™, Black Flag™, a hefty pair of boots, and a vocabulary that would shatter glass. In any event, the last thing that would occur to me in that situation is food. Mr. Wang ‘s take on the cockroach dilemma is that you should have more of them. Apparently, they are used for — drum roll — Cosmetics, hair tonic, and cures for tuberculosis and cancer. They are also used for animal feed – and for the really adventurous they can be served deep fried with garlic and buttePurple cockroach wearing a brown tie and red sweater

Yes, Gentle but strong stomached Readers, don’t let those bugs crawling around your dumpster go to waste. Serve them for brunch. Your bridge club won’t be able to say enough to praise the newest delicacy from our friends in the world of creepers and crawlers.

“Marge, this is the crunchiest ham salad I’ve ever eaten. What the heck is in it?”

“It’s a secret ingredient. I’ll never tell.”

“Your building supervisor must be a real gem. Why I looked at your dumpster when I came in, and there wasn’t even one cockroach!”

“Yeah, well wait until you taste dessert!

The beauty of starting a cockroach farm is that the start-up costs are negligible. Wang Fuming began his operation with an abandoned chicken coop, and some cardboard and corrugated metal. There are even cheaper ways to collect breeder stock. You can always rent an apartment in Bloomington, Indiana, and avoid doing your dishes. I’m telling you from personal experience that you will have enough of a herd to start your own ranch after one week.

There is a downside to this noble employment scheme. It seemed that one cockroach farmer was unceremoniously rezoned. A building filled with his six-legged inventory was knocked over, and one million cockroaches thought their prayers for freedom had been answered. The man’s neighbors did not agree, and quantities of insecticide were dispatched to the scene.

Not all was lost. This farmer got $8,000 in compensation for his destroyed inventory. I’d love to meet the CEO of the insurance company that underwrote that policy.

If I had only known! I would never have had to get a student loan if I knew then what I know now. In fact, Indiana University could have a whole new campus just based on its current supply of insects.

Oh well, as the proverb says, “Don’t cry over spilled vermin”. Just pass the soy sauce and chow down. Bon Appetit!

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