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Inflammation And Oxidation: Too Much Of A Good Thing

Disease is caused by inflammation. Inflammation is a result of your body fighting foreign invaders to protect itself. Not all inflammation is bad. In fact, your body needs inflammation to heal itself. Unfortunately, our modern life style gives it way too much of a good thing. The heat you feel after bruising or cutting yourself … Read more

Trulicity™: A Good Argument For Treating Diabetes With Diet And Exercise

Commercials for prescription drugs have to tell some of the truth. In fact, a good portion of air time for these products is taken up with reasons you might want to avoid them, and warnings about common side effects. Trulicity™ is just one example of the poisons consumers and their doctors are encouraged to use … Read more

Secure my site then secure me with a straight jacket.

My travail started last month. It seems that Google is no longer willing to let people take their chances on the web. This isn’t a bad thing, we all want our web experience to be secure, but doing this isn’t cheap or easy.

I thought Mr. Haney was banished to the dark world of ancient TV sitcoms. I was wrong. He is alive and well and working for a popular internet hosting service.

Not wanting to be banished to the Internet’s version of what I assumed was Mr. Haney’s fate, I paid for an SSL certificate to secure my site. Some guy who shall remain anonymous said he would connect my various web properties to my newly acquired bona fids. He said I would have to take some simple and obvious steps to complete the process.

Once the connection was made he assured me that Google and I would both be pleased beyond our wildest expectations. Okay, I may be exaggerating about the Google bit, but I sure didn’t expect to make a career of avoiding the big G’s wrath.

If you are a Baby Boomer, you may remember “Green Acres”. For those of you who haven’t had as many 39th birthdays as me, it was the story of a high-power lawyer and his wife who traded their glamorous big city lives for the dubious pleasure of a rustic farm existence.

Mr. Haney was a peddler who made his rounds of the farms in Hooterville. He was always trying to sell Oliver something he didn’t need. Finally, Oliver would try to buy something just so Mr. Haney would move on.

Just when the deal was almost consummated, Mr. Haney would offer to sell Oliver something else he would need to make the first purchase useful. Once, for instance, he convinced Oliver to buy a rubber plant. Just as Oliver was removing his purchase from the back of Mr. Haney’s truck, Mr. Haney stopped him. “Do you want to buy the pot it is in, too?”

——Me: “Can you tell me what I should do to complete installing this “SSL” thing?”
Tech 1: “Oh don’t worry. It will be obvious when you open your dashboard

——Me: “Hi. Tech 1 told me that it would be obvious how to install my SSL certificate, but I can’t figure out how to do it.”
Tech 2: “We can’t do it for you unless you pay us lots of money.”
Me: “But, the guy who sold it to me said it was installed and would be easy to activate.”
Tech 2: “Sure! Anything is easy if you know what you’re doing!”

——Me:“Look, I was hoping you people could help me. After all, I just laid down $500.00 to buy some stuff you said I needed, and now you won’t tell me how to use it. I don’t think I should have to pay more money to use the product you already sold me, especially since you didn’t tell me it would cost more in the first place.”
Tech 3: “Oh don’t worry. You just need a plugin. “

——Me: I downloaded a plugin like Tech 3 told me, and I still can’t get my SSL certificate to install on my site.”
Tech 4: “Let me check it for you. (after a half hour on hold) It’s connected on our end. Have you downloaded the plugin?”
Me: “Yes, and I’ve followed the directions about 20 times, and am informed that there is no SSL certificate connected with my site.”
Tech 4: “Your site is called “XYZ” right?”
Me: No. The guy who sold me the SSL package suggested that I change the name of my site for SEO purposes. I took his advice, and he told me he would install the SSL certificate for me.”
Tech 4: “So, you wanted the SSL certificate for your NEW site?”————

——Me: I think I finally got the SSL certificate installed. But now, when I go to the site, it says it isn’t secured. In fact, the recommendation is that it is unsafe, and I should not go there!”
Tech 5: “It is working fine here. Maybe you need to clear your browser’s cache.”

——Me: “I cleared my browser’s cache, and it still says my site is unsafe.”
Tech 6: “The problem is on your end. It’s working fine here.”

——Me: “I’m still having trouble accessing my site. Now it’s saying that the certificate doesn’t match the site’s address”
Tech 7: ‘Are you typing “WWW” in front of the name?”
Me: “Yeah. I’m even typing https://www. and it still says I don’t have an SSL certificate.”
Tech 7: That’s the problem. You don’t need to type anything but the site name. “HTTPS://” and “WWW” are not necessary when you’re going to a secure site.”
Me: Don’t — Hang — Up — Until — I — Try — It!” OMG! It Worked! I’m secure. You’re my hero! When’s your birthday? What kind of wine do you like? Can I have your baby?”

Poor Maynard Crebbs! Not Smart Enough to Play Gilligan?

  What brilliant acting would it take to give the role an appropriate mixture of pathos and depth? Could Sir Lawrence Olivier even manage the task, requiring a poignancy even Shakespeare couldn’t evoke? Could Selznick even hope to design the scenes on a scale worthy of such a deep philosophical script? And while we’re at … Read more

Paying to Pay: Is That Nice?

Paying bills online is convenient. Paying bills over the phone isn’t too bad. I accept these necessities of modern life with good humor, if not grace. Today involved two things I hate. Indeed, they could easily supply appropriate elements of torture, just in case someone in The Celestial Barbecue Pit is taking notes. What I … Read more

Cockroaches: It’s What’s For Dinner

Into sustainable agriculture? Have I got a farming idea for you! Cockroaches may be the next food trend!

Wang Fuming of China is raising millions of the very insects that the Roach Motel has been trying to entice as its clientele for several decades. Using potato peels and the like discarded from local restaurants, he is actually encouraging cockroaches to multiply and thrive! What, one might ask, if one isn’t gagging too hard to speak, would one do with millions of cockroaches? When I lived at Indiana University, I asked the same question. Apparently, Wang Fuming and I did not come up with the same answers.

My approach would include Raid™, Black Flag™, a hefty pair of boots, and a vocabulary that would shatter glass. In any event, the last thing that would occur to me in that situation is food. Mr. Wang ‘s take on the cockroach dilemma is that you should have more of them. Apparently, they are used for — drum roll — Cosmetics, hair tonic, and cures for tuberculosis and cancer. They are also used for animal feed – and for the really adventurous they can be served deep fried with garlic and buttePurple cockroach wearing a brown tie and red sweater

Yes, Gentle but strong stomached Readers, don’t let those bugs crawling around your dumpster go to waste. Serve them for brunch. Your bridge club won’t be able to say enough to praise the newest delicacy from our friends in the world of creepers and crawlers.

“Marge, this is the crunchiest ham salad I’ve ever eaten. What the heck is in it?”

“It’s a secret ingredient. I’ll never tell.”

“Your building supervisor must be a real gem. Why I looked at your dumpster when I came in, and there wasn’t even one cockroach!”

“Yeah, well wait until you taste dessert!

The beauty of starting a cockroach farm is that the start-up costs are negligible. Wang Fuming began his operation with an abandoned chicken coop, and some cardboard and corrugated metal. There are even cheaper ways to collect breeder stock. You can always rent an apartment in Bloomington, Indiana, and avoid doing your dishes. I’m telling you from personal experience that you will have enough of a herd to start your own ranch after one week.

There is a downside to this noble employment scheme. It seemed that one cockroach farmer was unceremoniously rezoned. A building filled with his six-legged inventory was knocked over, and one million cockroaches thought their prayers for freedom had been answered. The man’s neighbors did not agree, and quantities of insecticide were dispatched to the scene.

Not all was lost. This farmer got $8,000 in compensation for his destroyed inventory. I’d love to meet the CEO of the insurance company that underwrote that policy.

If I had only known! I would never have had to get a student loan if I knew then what I know now. In fact, Indiana University could have a whole new campus just based on its current supply of insects.

Oh well, as the proverb says, “Don’t cry over spilled vermin”. Just pass the soy sauce and chow down. Bon Appetit!